You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
