If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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