So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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