Will you blow on my dice?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
