i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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