Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
