It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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