just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
