i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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