Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
