Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sorry about my life...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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