When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
