my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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