i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
