ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
