Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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