did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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