if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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