3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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