some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
