she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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