They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
