No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
