I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
