we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
