My sheets look like a crime scene.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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