Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
