yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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