So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
