Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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