hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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