stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
