I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
