I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
