I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
