So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize