Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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