She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
