we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
