did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
