I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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