i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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