So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
