I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
