He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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