8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
