right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
