had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
