I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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