if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize