long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
