i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize