so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
