so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
