My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
