I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
