my soul wont recognize me after tonight
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
