I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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