Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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