I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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