"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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