as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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