So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
