Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So many bounce houses so little time
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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