I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
