I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
