i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
