halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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