His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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