I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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