home. puking in laundry basket.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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