Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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