Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
