Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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