it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize