Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
