the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
