Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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