and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize