How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
