i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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