how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
