I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
