Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
