I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize