Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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