You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
