Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize