I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
