You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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