She is in my trunk
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
