cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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