i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We need to rekindle our bromance
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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