i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My ass is underappreciated
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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