she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
