I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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