Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
