My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
