Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
