I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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