I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize